Eight Days Left

Eight days from now I will be getting ready to get on plane to go back to the U.S.A. No return ticket. No solid plans to come back to Cambodia or to go to any other foreign country. This is a first for me since graduating college. Since I left the U.S. for Jordan in the summer of 2013, I've never gone back to the States without at least a general plan to leave in a month or so. But now, four years later, I'm going home indefinitely. 

My empty apartment

I moved out of my apartment at the beginning of June. I spent the last two weeks or so of June organizing my things into piles: to MCC, to donate, to sell. Some of the other MCC Service Works came over and claimed some of my belongings, so that it wouldn't all just sit in storage: sheets, spices, cooking utensils, chairs, the refrigerator. The morning of the move, a team of MCCers came over, with some hired help, to move the boxes and furniture. Some things were carried down three treacherous flights of stairs, while others were tied to ropes and hoisted over the balcony. It was an oddly hollow feeling to look around my empty apartment. Evidence of nearly three years of my life, erased from the physical world just like that. I returned a few days later to do a last sweep of the apartment with my landlords, pay my final utilities bill, and return the key. I thanked them for their kindness and everything they've done for me over the years not only in words but by also giving them print of out one of my Khmer style photoshoot pictures. 

Lena and Sumo

Since moving out, I have not been homeless, I have been house and pet sitting for my Reps in their (massive) house. They have a super friendly pitbull, named Lena, who likes nap time, running out of the gate as soon as I open it, and walks, as well as a cat, named Sumo, who likes to cuddle and aggravate my allergies. I've enjoyed having this transition time, and I'm so glad I've had these animals as company because this house is way too big for one person.

Horseback riding on the beach

I've also been lucky enough to get two last trips to the beach in with friends. I did one trip with a friend for a long weekend at the beach, which ended up being cloudy and rainy the whole time but the trip was still exactly what I needed to say goodbye to this friend who has meant so much to me. The second trip I took with two of the SWs and their visiting friend. We spent a couple nights at the beach town of Sihanoukville, where we got massages, went to the beach, and got sunburnt. Their friend and I also went for a trail ride- which was great since I haven't been on a horse in almost two years. We road from the barn to the beach, rode down the beach, then took off the saddles and went swimming with the horses. We walked them out into the water, played a bit, then jumped on and rode around. At one point my poor tiny horse hit a spot that was too deep for him and had to actually swim- our guide did not seem panicked about it so I think it was fine. After we returned the horses to the barn, all four of us jumped on a boat and headed off to Koh Rong Samloem, an island. We stayed on a beautiful white sand beach, with water so clear you could get shoulder deep and still see you feet and your shadow on the ground. There was no internet, so we filled out time with reading, games, and conversations. After dark we waded out into the water and marveled at the bioluminescent plankton- it was so dark you couldn't see your body but ever movement made the water light up and sparkle like stars. This trip will definitely be remembered as one of my favorites. 

Lazy Beach on Koh Rong Samloem

So what am I doing with my last 8 days in Cambodia? Workwise, I'm finishing up a few things with my partner organizations and passing off some of my duties to other staff members. Outside of work, I'm finalizing packing, going on long walks with the dog, spending time with my friends, and getting some last circus classes in. These past three years haven't always been easy, but I wouldn't trade the time or things I've done for anything. While I'm sad that this experience is coming to a close, I look forward to all the adventures to come.

Khmer Photoshoot

Getting my makeup done

A popular activity for foreigners in Phnom Penh is to get traditional Cambodian style makeovers and do a photo shoot. While these shoots are just for fun, they are similar to the photo shoots couples will take for their weddings. I discovered these shoots a while back from posts on Facebook, and have been interested ever since. So this past week when some of the SALTers invited me to join them for a photoshoot I jumped at the chance!

Selection of blouses

On Saturday afternoon, three SALTers, a YAMENer, another Service Worker, and I loaded up into a tuktuk to make our way to a photo studio. We were welcomed and ushered directly back to a room full of beautiful blouses, skirts, and jewelry for our makeovers. Two ladies at a time had their makeup done, while the others looked through the available outfits and picked what they wanted to wear. The makeup while heavy was pretty quick: powder, eye shadow, filled in eyebrows, eyeliner, fake eyelashes, lipstick and blush. After getting our makeup we each put on a blouse, some like mine had to be adjusted to fit. After the shirt came hair styling which consisted on making fake hair pieces and extensions with our natural hair, done without heat, to make fancy updos that pretty much only look good from the front. Then, we were wrapped up in silk skirts that were expertly folded and pinned in traditional styles over our shorts.* And then we were adorned with jewelry: tiaras, necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and basically anything else that would make us sparkle.

Non-edited photo with Kaylee

Once we were all dressed, we went to the studio. We did a combination of single, pairs, and group shots. For my individual shots, the photographer posed me very specifically- feet, hands, head, shoulders, hips, the works. Some of the other ladies were given a bit more freedom to pose on their own. We were expected to come up with our group shots, though when we tried for more traditional Cambodian poses one of the staff helped us get our hands in the proper positions.

After we finished with pictures we changed back into our own clothes, and went through an overly complicated process of selecting three photos each to be edited in the Cambodian style, including adding a background, and printed. We were lucky enough to convince them to also give us the unedited copies of all the pictures, but they say they don't normally do that.

All in all the experience, while much longer than I expected, was an absolute blast. I learned a bit about traditional Cambodian fashion and the secret to all those formal hairstyles I see at weddings! (Answer: all the extensions.) I had a great with the ladies, and I now have a fantastic keepsake to give to my Cambodian friends!

Cambodian edited group Photo

*Pro-tip: wear leggings instead of shorts or jeans, less lumps and bulk that way.

Difficult Job of the ECCC

ECCC Emblem

About a year ago, I visited the Extraordinary Chambers in the Courts of Cambodia (ECCC), also known as the Khmer Rouge Trials. I wrote about the visit and the structure of the Chambers in the post "Khmer Rouge Trials." A few weeks ago, I returned to the ECCC with a group from MCC, including many of the Service Workers, the Myanmar Rep, and this years SALTers and YAMENers.

We drove out during lunch, and sat in to witness the afternoon session. The court is still trying Case 002/02, against Noun Chea and Khieu Samphan for "allegations of genocide against the Muslim Cham and the Vietnamese, grave breaches of the 1949 Geneva Conventions, forced marriages and rape, purges, persecution of Buddhist, as well as other crimes against humanity." The testimony I witnessed during this visit was that of a former Khmer Rouge Cadre, who claims to have been in charge of photography at S-21 prison (now known as Toul Sleng Genocide Museum). He claims to have been in charge of photographing and developing the photographs of prisoners as they were brought into the prison, and of those who died in custody from either sickness or torture. This witness' testimony uncut the testimony of another who claimed to have been in charge of photography at the prison, and this kind of mixed message serves to create doubt as to the chain of command in the Khmer Rouge. For more information on this testimony see this Phnom Penh Post article. 

This testimony is an example of the difficulty faced by those involved in establishing legal guilt or innocence in cases of mass atrocities and breaches of international human rights laws. Not only do specific crimes need to be proven, but the defendants need to be proven as both part of the chain of command and also high enough in it to take the blame for the violations.While it is evident that horrible mass atrocities occurred during the Khmer Rouge Regime, known at Democratic Kampuchea, by the relocation of many citizens of Cambodia and the deaths of about 1.5 million people (out of a population of 7-8 million), establishing the existence of specific crimes under both Cambodian and International law during the period and the guilt of specific leaders if difficult. Almost 40 years has passed since the fall of the regime, and thus much evidence has been lost. Time, trauma, and old age has compromised the credibility of many witness. Some known members of the party have not been called upon to testify. The Chamber's priority in charging those most responsible for the atrocities is made difficult by contradictory accounts and blurry chain of commands, as well as the prerogative to establish what it means to be most responsible. 

Watching this case reminded me that events and history, and guilt and innocence are so often more grey then clear cut black and white. There may never be satisfying answers to what happened, all the causes, and the people involved. Those we view as guilty can almost always find ways to deflect blame. I do not envy the jobs of the judges, or lawyers, for both the defense and the prosecution, in cases of human rights and international law violation such at these. I wish them all the best in discovering and understanding as much of the truth as they can in order to bring a sense of finality and relief to the victims and witnesses of the terrible things that humans are capable of doing to one another.

Visiting Prey Sar

Every time we drive up to Prey Sar Prison, I think about how strange it feels. Every month, a few of us from the Returnee Integration Support Center (RISC) go to Prey Sar, the largest prison in Cambodia, to visit some returnees who are imprisoned there. Entering the prison complex feels nothing like I expect a prison to feel. Admittedly, I have never visited a prison in the US, or anywhere else, but in my mind prisons are dark and overwhelming concrete. I think of high walls around the complex, and large buffer zones around that, lots of security, and few people other than staff and security coming and going.

Prey Sar is not what I imagined. The dirt road leading up to the prison is lined with houses, printing shops, and coffee shops. While there is a security stop before the parking lot, there's a restaurant and small store after the stop. After we park, we receive our NGO passes, and go through another round of security, in the office behind the concrete wall of the prison. My RISC coworker presents our paperwork and the packages of toiletries we bring for the returnees are checked for contraband like illegal drugs, weapons, and SIM cards. After this we each get pat down and leave the security area.

There are three different visiting areas: a section where visitors and inmates are separated by a glass wall, an area where visitor can sit with inmates often used by families, and a building used by visiting NGOs, lawyers, and such. The building is surrounded by a garden, with trees and flowers lining the pathway, and little animal statues in the flowers. The building itself is concrete with open doorways and glasses windows, similar to many Cambodian buildings. There are three rooms, two for visitors and one for the guards in the center, and there are two benches in front of the building. Each of the visiting rooms has a table, a bench and several chairs. The area where the inmates are imprisoned is behind another walled area, with security officers manning the gate between the two sections.

Currently, there are about 15 returnees imprisoned in Cambodia. These men (they are all men at this time) for the most part have found themselves caught up in similar systems of illegal activities as they were in the States, and are imprisoned for minor crimes for a few years. When RISC visits, the returnees are notified and come to the visiting area to speak with us. They all wear orange or blue shirts and pants, depending upon their conviction status, and rubber sandals. The men always great us cheerily, and sit and chat with us as we give them some cash to buy food and water, and the toiletries packages.

Prisons in Cambodia do not provide much for inmate. Prisoners are expected to pay for food and drinking water, and are not given toiletries. Many prisoners have family who will bring such things to them, but for many returnees they don't have family here to care for them in such ways so RISC fills that gap. We've also brought the returnees new sandals and donated medicine such as aspirin on occasion.

While many people react negatively, or worry for me, when I tell them that part of my work is visiting prisoners, it's honestly one of my favorite responsibilities. The guys are always happy to see us, to have people to speak to in English and to hear about the outside world. They tell me about their families, especially if they've recent had a visit- one gentleman loves to tell me about his young son- and they always ask me about my work. They complain about their sentences and the heat. Several of them commented when I came to visit after cutting the pink out of my hair.

2 Years Down, 1 to Go!

With MCC staff at a Khmer Wedding

I can't believe I didn't post a 2 year anniversary post! Well better late than never!

I've officially been in Cambodia for over two years now. I could never have imagined everything these past two years have held. This year I've been horseback riding, said hello and goodbye to many friends, I held a monkey, I found a new passion in the circus, I've attended weddings, I've visited Kep, Koh Kong, Bangkok, Siem Reap, Angkor Wat, Kuala Lumpur, and Bali, I've climbed a waterfall, I've performed in a choir concert, I've taken a home leave and been able to reconnect with my family and old friends, I've visited the Khmer Rouge Trials twice, I've lead part of a workshop, I've gone on prison visits, I've been to workshops in the province, I've made new amazing friends and reconnected with old ones, and most of all I've learned so much about myself that I'm not sure I could put it all into words.

Riding in Areyksat

Holding a monkey in Kep

Going to a Khmer wedding

Wearing a traditional skirt at a workshop

MCC retreat in Koh Kong

Waterfall during MCC Retreat in Koh Kong

Canal tour in Bangkok

Belle Voce Community Choir Christmas Concert

Celebrating at an MCC Wedding

Thmor Roung during WPM Staff Retreat

Bayon Temple at Angkor Wat

Baltimore with friends on home leave

Philly Friends during home leave

Favorite resturant in Kep

Silks class at the circus

Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur

Terraced farming in Bali with Rachel

Contortion class at the circus

YALT farewell boatride

Hoop/lyra class at the circus

Here's to another year of adventures and learning!

Circus Fun

I was never an athletic child. I did gymnastics for a few months in elementary school, and I joined my 8th grade field hockey team for part of a season. That's pretty much all the sports I did. My mom spent most of high school trying to convince me to join a sports team, field hockey, tennis, cheerleading, anything. She thought it would be good for me, though she always framed it as something that would be good for my college applications. I didn't really like sports though. I was tiny, skinny, and weak. I didn't have good hand-eye coordination, I couldn't run fast or for long distances, and when I tried I always felt like my ankles were giving out.

It wasn't until I was sixteen that I found a sport I enjoyed. Several of my friends owned horses, so once we were able to drive ourselves places, they started teaching me how to horseback ride. Horseback riding was frustrating and tiring, and it didn't come naturally to me, but I loved it. The more frustrated I was, the more I was determined to learn it and do it well. Luckily for me, my college offered discounted riding lessons through the equestrian club. I took lessons all four years, and I still can't really canter, but I loved every minute of it. I tried out dance classes, yoga, and pilates during college too, but riding was always my favorite.

In the normal world though, anything equestrian related is expensive- lessons, gear, horses, you name it, it probably costs an arm and a leg. This is especially true when you technically don't have an income. I tried to make myself go to the gym, but I wasn't good at going regularly, so I sought out a fun, interesting, inexpensive fitness classes in Phnom Penh- mostly to not feel like a lazy bum who went from sitting in front of a computer at work to sitting in front of computer at home, but also to give myself something fun to do outside of work (and you know that health thing).

What I found was the circus and aerial arts classes offered by the National Circus School of Cambodia. The school opened in 1980, mainly teaching students who had lost their parents during the Khmer Rouge Regime, and helped to resurrect traditional Khmer circus art. The Cambodian run school teaches young Cambodians both full time and part time, features performances at their own big top (these performances are sadly currently on hiatus because of storm damage to the tent), sponsors a competitive troupe, and offers drop in classes for locals and foreigners.

Since November, I've had the joy of attending tumbling and flexibility/contortion classes with two of the professional circus artists and teachers at the school (one of whom was a competitor on the show Cambodia's Got Talent). These classes are always both a challenge and some of the most fun parts of my week. It's been amazing to see how much I've improved in the past few months. When I first started I couldn't quite do a split with my right leg forward or hold myself in a bridge for very long, but now both are comfortable positions I can hold for some time. I'm still working on doing a full split with my left leg forward- hopefully I'll get there soon. I often wake up so sore that I contemplate calling in sick after tumbling, but for the first time in my life I revel in the feeling. Last week I attended my first aerial silks class (basically you do tricks while hanging from two pieces of cloth suspended from the ceiling)- at one point during the class I had a flashback to being a weakling elementary schooler who couldn't do any tricks on the monkey bars, which made me even prouder when I achieved the moves and poses. While the regular silks class does not fit into my schedule at the moment, I look forward to joining the classes in the near future.

Who knows, maybe I've finally found my athletic side?

My Apartment

I've live in my apartment for about a year and three months. It's amazing for me to look back on what my apartment looked like when I was just moving in. It was bare with little personality.

In the year I've lived here my apartment has truly become my home. I think about buying stuff to decorate it with all the time. Everytime I near the end of a trip I look forward to coming home to my apartment and flopping onto my bed (even if it's not the most comfortable mattress I've ever slept on). I get excited to invite people over to share my space with me. I even went out and bought a tiny Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. A few days ago, a friend and I discussed the potential of us moving in together- but honestly I couldn't imagine moving out of this apartment.

Here's a link to my blog post of photos of what it looked like before I started decorating! My 1st Apartment.

WPM Domestic Violence Video

Many organizations in Cambodia collobrate with eachother to share knowledge and reasources. Recently USAID hosted a program to teach local NGOs how to create informative videos. Several of my co-workers at Women PeaceMakers joined this program and created (wrote, directed, edited, and starred in) this video about different types of abuse:

Siem Reap... Finally!

Angkor Wat

WPM Retreat in Sihankouville

I had a quiet holiday season this year. For Christmas, I had a bunch of the other MCCers over for Christmas brunch (which they did most of the cooking for, thanks all!), then for New Years I just spent the evening at home. But, I have gotten some traveling in during the first few weeks of 2016.

First, Women PeaceMakers had a staff retreat, with all of the staff and their families. We all piled into a van, and headed off to Chi Phat, a community based eco-tourism site. Getting there took six hours, driving down windy dirt roads, and crossing a river on a ferry. When we finally arrived at Chi Phat, we found a spot by the river and had a picnic of fresh cooked seafood. After lunch, we got back in the van and headed off to Sihanoukville where we stayed for the next two nights. We spent the next day relaxing and bonding at the beach. The next day we headed back to Phnom Penh via Thmor Roung National Resort, where we had wild boar for lunch and played in the rapids.

Bayon Temple

The next week, I went on vacation to Siem Reap for the first time. Siem Reap is the most popular tourist site in Cambodia, because it hosts the Angkor World Heritage Site, known as Angkor Wat. Angkor Wat is an archaeological site of temples and palaces dating back to at least the 12th Century. The ruins were also where the movie Laura Croft: Tomb Raider was film. While I was there I met up with two of the Cambodia SALT participants, and together we explored the park. We went to watch sunset one evening, then woke up early the next morning to watch the sunrise and to explore the ruins. The archaeological site is huge, way more than someone can see in one day or even a week, so we only saw a few of the buildings before we decided that we were too hot and tired to continue. We went back to my hotel relaxed and took the evening easy.

Ta Prohm

Angkor Wat

Bayon Temple

Fish massage post Angkor Wat

Belle Voce Christmas Concert

One of my joys these past couple months as been participating in the Belle Voce Community Choir. While I sang in choirs and did music camps all through middle school and high school, I stopped performing in college. I was so excited to discover Belle Voce here in Phnom Penh and to start singing again. Last Sunday, we had our Christmas Concert, to a packed house of 700 people, and on Tuesday we performed at a Christmas Party at the residency of the British Ambassador. We have one last performance this season that I'm looking forward to. Belle Voce has not only been a chance for me to get back into music and to try to regain some of the skill I lost over the past few years, but also an opportunity to meet new people from all over the world and to make new friends.

The whole concert is available on youtube but I've attached our performance of The Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah (until about 4:30), Glory Glory (starting at about 8:10), and He's Got the Whole World (starting at about 12:40). In case you can't find me, I'm the second from the left in the first row- just look for the pink hair.

Koh Kong and Bangkok

MCC Cambodia Program Staff (and families). Photo courtesy of Binu Rai.

The other night, I was on the phone with one of my friends. I was telling her about all the things I've done in the past couple weeks.
She sighed dramatically, "Your life is just amazing isn't it." Of course, I denied it. "Oh come on, admit it. Your life is amazing."
"Well, I mean these past two weeks have been, but they aren't representative of my day-to-day life," I conceded.
"Yeah, but your life includes opportunities to do these awesome things. Just admit it. You get to do cool things."

While, I try to downplay it most the time, she has a point. I've been given amazing opportunities: to live abroad, to travel, to meet people and see things that I never would have otherwise. These past two weeks have been great reminders of all the things I have to be thankful for.

Standing near the top of the Tatai Waterfall in Koh Kong 

The week of November 19th, I went with MCC Cambodia on retreat to Koh Kong Province. The retreat was an opportunity to get out of Phnom Penh, to a part of the country I've never been to, and to spend time with the rest of the MCC Cambodia team. While we were there we took trips to Boeng Kayak Mangrove Forest in Peam Krasop Wildlife Sanctuary and to the Tatai Waterfall. We also spent time in a mini-workshop, discussing cross-cultural communication and relationships, including strategies, when it's difficult, and how we can work bridge cultural gaps.

View of the Royal Palace from the Chao Phraya River in Bangkok

The MCC team returned to Phnom Penh on the evening of the 22nd, I had one day in the city, and then boarded a plane to Bangkok, Thailand bright and early on the 24th for a vacation. I've done solo trips before, but this was my first solo international vacation. I decided that I wanted to stay in one place, so I just hung out in Bangkok for the week. I slept in and stayed out late, visited the National Museum, spent time in some of the parks in the city, visited a huge mall and watched a movie, did a canal tour, and, spent a lot of time relaxing and people watching. Bangkok is a huge city, and very developed, in comparison to Phnom Penh. It was amazing to see how different two capital cities in bordering countries can be so different. While I enjoyed my time, if/when I go back to Thailand, I think I'll hang out at the beach instead of Bangkok.

Sometimes, I have to admit to myself that my life is pretty amazing. And that I'm thankful and grateful for all of the opportunities I've been given, even if I don't always appreciate them for the gifts that they are.

Bangkok, Thailand