What comes next?

I'm on my way home! Its hard to believe, even as I'm sitting in an airport in Japan. So knows as good time as any to let you all know the answer to question you keep asking: what comes next? Well, the answer is graduate school!

Washington, D.C.

I'm currently enroute back to the U.S., and I'll spend about a month and a half with my parents on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. I'm planning to use that time to get over jet lag, relax, catch up with friends and family, and overall transition to being back in the States.

After that, I'm moving to Washington, D.C, where I will start a Master of Ethics, Peace and Global Affairs at American University's School of International Service. I'm still looking for an affordable place to live, and or a part-time job (or two) so that I can afford the cost of living in DC (so if you have any leads, send them my way). 

So that's the plan, about two years (give or take a summer or two ) in DC, and then off on even more adventures!

Eight Days Left

Eight days from now I will be getting ready to get on plane to go back to the U.S.A. No return ticket. No solid plans to come back to Cambodia or to go to any other foreign country. This is a first for me since graduating college. Since I left the U.S. for Jordan in the summer of 2013, I've never gone back to the States without at least a general plan to leave in a month or so. But now, four years later, I'm going home indefinitely. 

My empty apartment

I moved out of my apartment at the beginning of June. I spent the last two weeks or so of June organizing my things into piles: to MCC, to donate, to sell. Some of the other MCC Service Works came over and claimed some of my belongings, so that it wouldn't all just sit in storage: sheets, spices, cooking utensils, chairs, the refrigerator. The morning of the move, a team of MCCers came over, with some hired help, to move the boxes and furniture. Some things were carried down three treacherous flights of stairs, while others were tied to ropes and hoisted over the balcony. It was an oddly hollow feeling to look around my empty apartment. Evidence of nearly three years of my life, erased from the physical world just like that. I returned a few days later to do a last sweep of the apartment with my landlords, pay my final utilities bill, and return the key. I thanked them for their kindness and everything they've done for me over the years not only in words but by also giving them print of out one of my Khmer style photoshoot pictures. 

Lena and Sumo

Since moving out, I have not been homeless, I have been house and pet sitting for my Reps in their (massive) house. They have a super friendly pitbull, named Lena, who likes nap time, running out of the gate as soon as I open it, and walks, as well as a cat, named Sumo, who likes to cuddle and aggravate my allergies. I've enjoyed having this transition time, and I'm so glad I've had these animals as company because this house is way too big for one person.

Horseback riding on the beach

I've also been lucky enough to get two last trips to the beach in with friends. I did one trip with a friend for a long weekend at the beach, which ended up being cloudy and rainy the whole time but the trip was still exactly what I needed to say goodbye to this friend who has meant so much to me. The second trip I took with two of the SWs and their visiting friend. We spent a couple nights at the beach town of Sihanoukville, where we got massages, went to the beach, and got sunburnt. Their friend and I also went for a trail ride- which was great since I haven't been on a horse in almost two years. We road from the barn to the beach, rode down the beach, then took off the saddles and went swimming with the horses. We walked them out into the water, played a bit, then jumped on and rode around. At one point my poor tiny horse hit a spot that was too deep for him and had to actually swim- our guide did not seem panicked about it so I think it was fine. After we returned the horses to the barn, all four of us jumped on a boat and headed off to Koh Rong Samloem, an island. We stayed on a beautiful white sand beach, with water so clear you could get shoulder deep and still see you feet and your shadow on the ground. There was no internet, so we filled out time with reading, games, and conversations. After dark we waded out into the water and marveled at the bioluminescent plankton- it was so dark you couldn't see your body but ever movement made the water light up and sparkle like stars. This trip will definitely be remembered as one of my favorites. 

Lazy Beach on Koh Rong Samloem

So what am I doing with my last 8 days in Cambodia? Workwise, I'm finishing up a few things with my partner organizations and passing off some of my duties to other staff members. Outside of work, I'm finalizing packing, going on long walks with the dog, spending time with my friends, and getting some last circus classes in. These past three years haven't always been easy, but I wouldn't trade the time or things I've done for anything. While I'm sad that this experience is coming to a close, I look forward to all the adventures to come.

Khmer Photoshoot

Getting my makeup done

A popular activity for foreigners in Phnom Penh is to get traditional Cambodian style makeovers and do a photo shoot. While these shoots are just for fun, they are similar to the photo shoots couples will take for their weddings. I discovered these shoots a while back from posts on Facebook, and have been interested ever since. So this past week when some of the SALTers invited me to join them for a photoshoot I jumped at the chance!

Selection of blouses

On Saturday afternoon, three SALTers, a YAMENer, another Service Worker, and I loaded up into a tuktuk to make our way to a photo studio. We were welcomed and ushered directly back to a room full of beautiful blouses, skirts, and jewelry for our makeovers. Two ladies at a time had their makeup done, while the others looked through the available outfits and picked what they wanted to wear. The makeup while heavy was pretty quick: powder, eye shadow, filled in eyebrows, eyeliner, fake eyelashes, lipstick and blush. After getting our makeup we each put on a blouse, some like mine had to be adjusted to fit. After the shirt came hair styling which consisted on making fake hair pieces and extensions with our natural hair, done without heat, to make fancy updos that pretty much only look good from the front. Then, we were wrapped up in silk skirts that were expertly folded and pinned in traditional styles over our shorts.* And then we were adorned with jewelry: tiaras, necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and basically anything else that would make us sparkle.

Non-edited photo with Kaylee

Once we were all dressed, we went to the studio. We did a combination of single, pairs, and group shots. For my individual shots, the photographer posed me very specifically- feet, hands, head, shoulders, hips, the works. Some of the other ladies were given a bit more freedom to pose on their own. We were expected to come up with our group shots, though when we tried for more traditional Cambodian poses one of the staff helped us get our hands in the proper positions.

After we finished with pictures we changed back into our own clothes, and went through an overly complicated process of selecting three photos each to be edited in the Cambodian style, including adding a background, and printed. We were lucky enough to convince them to also give us the unedited copies of all the pictures, but they say they don't normally do that.

All in all the experience, while much longer than I expected, was an absolute blast. I learned a bit about traditional Cambodian fashion and the secret to all those formal hairstyles I see at weddings! (Answer: all the extensions.) I had a great with the ladies, and I now have a fantastic keepsake to give to my Cambodian friends!

Cambodian edited group Photo

*Pro-tip: wear leggings instead of shorts or jeans, less lumps and bulk that way.

How do we tell the story?

War Remnants Museum in Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam

A chemical defoliant tank

While I am a low key history nerd (ok, maybe not that low key) my interests tend to focus more on the cultural side of history and less on wars. This means that while I have some vague memories of discussing the Vietnam War in history classes growing up, I honestly did not know very much. Since moving to South East Asia I've learned a bit more, as the American War, since Cambodia was one of the countries affected by the war. A basic, extremely barebones, summary of the history is while North Vietnam, officially the Democratic Republic of Vietnam, won it's independence from colonial France in 1945 as a communist state, South Vietnam did not gain independence until sometime later. When the South became independent they chose to become a democracy separate from the North. This decision to not unite with the North lead to the war from 1955 until the fall of Saigon in 1975.¹ The War was essentially a proxy war for the Soviet Union and the United States because of the supports they provided.

American military airplane

With this in mind, I headed over to Vietnam for the first time. My first stop was the city of Ho Chi Minh, formerly known as Saigon and the former capital of South Vietnam. The one thing I knew I wanted to do in the city was go to the War Remnants Museum. The entrance to the museum is a courtyard filled with airplanes, tanks, and other vehicles used but the Americans during the war.² It struck me as a bit odd that there weren't Vietnamese vehicles as well, until I realized they really did not have many. The American military had them out armed by a long shot.

Propaganda poster

I started on an exhibit focused on support for a united Vietnam- well, what the Museum colors as support. The examples of support the museum used included the antiwar movement in the United States. This goes against the little I know about the movement, which I always saw a movement against the U.S. involvement in the war, not a support of North Vietnam. Starting from this exhibit made the story the museum was trying to tell very clear: the US was an aggressor who tried to keep the North and South separated, while the South and the rest of the world thought Vietnam should be one whole. This was taken to such an extreme that any kind of dissent against the war was colored at support. They even used the term the War of American Aggression.³ This framing of the story continued throughout the museum with exhibits such as "Aggression War Crimes", which featured examples of war crimes including torture and the murder of civilians committed by the U.S. Military, and one on the continuing effects of Agent Orange and other chemicals.

Example of a trap in Cu Chi

While I continued to digest this narrative, I decided to visit the Cu Chi Tunnels. The Tunnels were used by the Viet Cong and other local communist supporters. Since they were out gunned by the Americans they had to use more innovative strategies to survive. In Cu Chi District they dug a complex series of tunnels, including multiple levels for traveling, fighting, and living. Local community members and the fighters lived in the tunnels with no electricity, and would only come out at night to do things like tend crops, collect weapons or tools left by the Americans, and fight. The tunnels were designed to be just big enough for the Vietnamese to fit, since they were often significantly smaller than American soldiers, and included landmines and traps just incase part of the tunnels were infiltrated. There were other traps in the area, designed to trap and injure anyone you stepped on them, mainly with the goal of capturing them in order to trade the soldiers for supplies including medicine.⁴

Inside a tunnel in Cu Chi

I figured the tour would have a similar slant as the museum, and considering it started with a propaganda video from the 1960's about the the tunnel it easily could have been if it wasn't for our tour guide.⁵ The tour guide made a point of talking about the tunnels as a strategy, and made multiple reference to the Saigon based democratic government of the time. While he did not say anything outright to contradict the narrative of the American aggressor, he also didn't emphasize it, and spoke about the the people in the Cu Chi region who sided with the democracy.

"Hanoi, Hue, Saigon. Homeland is indivisible."

I remember my AP U.S. History teacher once telling me the victor writes history.⁶ This experience both confirmed and denied her theory in my mind. In Vietnam, the victor was clearly telling their narrative of unity and victory over the American aggressors. While in the States we avoid telling the story, and when we do we make it as bare bones as possible and tinged it with regret. I would love to be able to hear other sides of the story- stories of dissent within Vietnam, or stories from those who supported the democracy.

Witnessing these differing narratives, and reflecting upon how they have likely changed since the war itself, makes me wonder about the stories and narratives we will tell about our current world conflicts. In forty years will we avoid talking about Iraq? In fifty years will we speak with regret about our military actions in Syria? And maybe most importantly, what can we do now to make sure we like the stories that will be told?

Disappearing into the Cu Chi tunnels:

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1 That's long enough that young soldiers who fought during the beginning of the war could feasibly have children who were old enough to serve near the end of the war.^↩

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2 There was also a tank at the Cu Chi Tunnels which tourists used as a photo op and jungle gym, while I stood there furious, thinking to myself "this is a weapon meant to destroy and kill."^↩

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3 This reminded me of how some parts of the U.S. talk about the Civil War.^↩

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4 As you can imagine life in underground tunnels wasn't a very hygienic, and a significant number of people who lived in the tunnels died from illness.^↩

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5 After the video, my seat buddy turned to me and jokingly announced "Well, I think I'm a communist now."^↩

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6 Except for the Civil War, according to this teacher.^↩

Made it to the Motherland

Mandy, Justin, and me celebrating Christmas with Grandma

Bois Cheri Tea Plantation

I've put this blog off for a long time. Probably too long. My dad has been chiding me to write it for months now, but I have just not been able to articulate my feelings. I got to spend Christmas in Mauritius this year, with my sister, Mandy, and her husband, Justin. I know what you're thinking "Hannah did another trip to some random, cool, tropical place. So what? What's there to have so many feelings about?" The thing is, this was not just another trip for me. This was a visit to where my mother is from, this was a trip to my homeland, this was the first time I met my grandmother and other members of my extended family, and this was the first time I spent Christmas with family in four years.

Mandy and me by the Indian Ocean in Mahebourg

While my Mom is from Mauritius, I'd never really considered going there. I had thought about going to or even working in Malawi, where my mom spent most her life and where my parents met, but for some reason Mauritius hadn't crossed my mind. That changed in November 2015, when Mandy presented the idea of going to Mauritius for Christmas in a year. At the time it was just so out of my budget that I couldn't really consider it. But, almost a year later in October of 2016, I randomly searched the prices for a flight to Mauritius and discovered a discount airline had just opened up a flight there, for about half the price. While it was still probably out of my budget, I decided it was now or never, and after a little coordination with my sister I booked my trip.

Biking up to the Seven Colored Earths

My mom's sister, Auntie Patty. and her husband, Uncle Antoine, enthusiastically agreed to pick me up from the airport. I was racked with nerves: what if we didn't recognized each other? I walked to the greeting area with a mild level of panic, until I saw a tall young man (who turned out to be my cousin) waving at me and pointing to the side. I followed his directions and approached a man and woman who looked vaguely familiar and were very happy to see me. Thankfully they were the correct people and not some randos.

A bit of circus practice with Mandy

I then spent the rest of the day with them, and spent the night with my Grandmother and my Uncle Eric. You now what's weirdly nerve racking? Meeting your grandmother for the first time. This is especially true when you discover she doesn't really speak much English, and you don't speak French or Mauritian Creole. (Thanks alot for that, Mom and Dad!) But she is adorable, and so sweet, and so loving, that having to mime everything out to each other wasn't terrible.

The next day the family and I met Mandy and Justin at the airport, we got lunch, and then we separated and settled into our hotels. Mandy, Justin, and I spent the next week or so exploring the island, attempting to learn more of the history of the island (I learned the Dutch found it and named it Mauritius which is why the French call it Maurice), biking up mountains, and relaxing at the beach. Spending time with them was so much fun, and I found it especially meaningful since I rarely get the chance to spend time with them.

Christmas Dinner with Uncle Eric and Grandma

On Christmas morning, the three of us jumped into Mandy and Justin's rented car and drove over to Auntie Patty's house, where we joined the rest of the family for Christmas dinner. I had fun chatting with my cousins, and playing with my cousin's adorable son who, with his limited English, invited me to play with him by announcing, "Hannah! Coming play Angry Birds!" After dinner there was a brief exchange of presents. I didn't tell anyone at the time, but this was the first time I had presents to open on Christmas day in four years and I was extremely touched to be included.

The Seven Colored Earths

My last day in Mauritius was a long one. Mandy, Justin, and I checked out of our hotels early in the morning, and went on a hike up a mountain. Between this and the bike ride, I learned Mandy is way too perky about exercise for my taste, and I respond to this by becoming extremely grumpy. While we were unable to go all the way to the way to the top of the mountain, we did get some breath taking views of the island and the ocean. After our hike, we made our way to Mandy and Justin's last hotel where we relaxed and did a bit of exploring. Auntie Patty and Uncle Antoine picked me up in the evening to take me to the airport, with a stop for a late dinner with Grandma and Uncle Eric along the way. A little after midnight, I boarded my plane and left the motherland.

The view from Le Morne Brabant Mountian

I cannot fully express the depth of emotions I felt in Mauritius. All I can say is that I have never been anywhere so beautiful and I cannot wait to go back.

Belle Voce Community Choir Christmas Concert 2016

Difficult Job of the ECCC

ECCC Emblem

About a year ago, I visited the Extraordinary Chambers in the Courts of Cambodia (ECCC), also known as the Khmer Rouge Trials. I wrote about the visit and the structure of the Chambers in the post "Khmer Rouge Trials." A few weeks ago, I returned to the ECCC with a group from MCC, including many of the Service Workers, the Myanmar Rep, and this years SALTers and YAMENers.

We drove out during lunch, and sat in to witness the afternoon session. The court is still trying Case 002/02, against Noun Chea and Khieu Samphan for "allegations of genocide against the Muslim Cham and the Vietnamese, grave breaches of the 1949 Geneva Conventions, forced marriages and rape, purges, persecution of Buddhist, as well as other crimes against humanity." The testimony I witnessed during this visit was that of a former Khmer Rouge Cadre, who claims to have been in charge of photography at S-21 prison (now known as Toul Sleng Genocide Museum). He claims to have been in charge of photographing and developing the photographs of prisoners as they were brought into the prison, and of those who died in custody from either sickness or torture. This witness' testimony uncut the testimony of another who claimed to have been in charge of photography at the prison, and this kind of mixed message serves to create doubt as to the chain of command in the Khmer Rouge. For more information on this testimony see this Phnom Penh Post article. 

This testimony is an example of the difficulty faced by those involved in establishing legal guilt or innocence in cases of mass atrocities and breaches of international human rights laws. Not only do specific crimes need to be proven, but the defendants need to be proven as both part of the chain of command and also high enough in it to take the blame for the violations.While it is evident that horrible mass atrocities occurred during the Khmer Rouge Regime, known at Democratic Kampuchea, by the relocation of many citizens of Cambodia and the deaths of about 1.5 million people (out of a population of 7-8 million), establishing the existence of specific crimes under both Cambodian and International law during the period and the guilt of specific leaders if difficult. Almost 40 years has passed since the fall of the regime, and thus much evidence has been lost. Time, trauma, and old age has compromised the credibility of many witness. Some known members of the party have not been called upon to testify. The Chamber's priority in charging those most responsible for the atrocities is made difficult by contradictory accounts and blurry chain of commands, as well as the prerogative to establish what it means to be most responsible. 

Watching this case reminded me that events and history, and guilt and innocence are so often more grey then clear cut black and white. There may never be satisfying answers to what happened, all the causes, and the people involved. Those we view as guilty can almost always find ways to deflect blame. I do not envy the jobs of the judges, or lawyers, for both the defense and the prosecution, in cases of human rights and international law violation such at these. I wish them all the best in discovering and understanding as much of the truth as they can in order to bring a sense of finality and relief to the victims and witnesses of the terrible things that humans are capable of doing to one another.